Jacob?
by Silver Fox Animagus
Summary: Bella and Edward invade Hogwarts :O rated for mild language


This is an exceedingly random story, I know...as you can probably tell I 3 H.P. and I am not a fan of the tw*l*ght books...I wrote this while sleep deprived and stressed over midterms...I know it's weird...oh and also happy birthday to my good friend Alina Lassiter! You're getting old moony ;) haha not really...ok read, review, enjoy! *end rant*

~Prongs

* * *

"What the hell is going on?" Moony screeched as he was tackled to the ground by a plain looking girl with dark brown hair.

"Jacob! Jacob!" the girl kept screaming, much to everyone's confusion. "I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings!"

""First of all you never hurt my feelings," Remus said, attempting to extract himself from the girl's death grip and stand up, thereby regaining some of his severely wounded pride. "And secondly—who the _hell_ are you?"

"Oh my god Jacob!" the girl whined. "I'm only trying to apologize you don't have to be mean to me!" she said elongating every syllable to the point of ridiculous.

"Who is Jacob?" Remus tried to ask her, exasperatedly, but the girl was too busy crying into his shirt to notice or acknowledge his question. He looked up at his friends, James and Sirius, who were doubled over laughing at his predicament. "A little help here?" he said to them, his pride suffering more and more by the minute.

"Oh but Moony," James started, but then relapsed into another bout of hysterical laughter. "This is hilarious." Sirius finished in between fits of laughing.

"Nice to know you care guys." Remus replied dryly as he finally managed to extract himself and stand up, wincing slightly, as the full moon was that night. The girl tried to stand up with him, but managed to trip over her own feet and fall flat on her face.

"What was that all about Moony?" James asked as he managed to regain some of his composure.

Remus had been about to reply that he had no idea when the girl, who had managed to right herself, interrupted him and asked loudly "Why do you keep calling him Moony?"

"Umm…" Sirius started a little taken aback by this blunt question. "Because it's his nickname?" he asked, the answer coming out as more of a question that ne would have liked.

"I didn't know you had a nickname Jacob." The girl said, addressing Moony this time. This sent James and Sirius into another bout of hysterics.

"Why do you keep calling me Jacob?" Remus burst out, much less patient than he would have been had it not been the day before the full moon. "My name is Remus!" he yelled, getting some strange looks from other people in the common room.

At this the girls lip got all wibbly and she whined "Why are you being so mean Jacob?"

At this point Remus threw his hands up into the air, thoroughly exasperated and done with the conversation, turning on his heel and taking a few steps in the opposite direction, if only to avoid blowing up at the obviously troubled girl.

"Sooo…" James started, addressing the girl directly for the first time. "What's your name." he asked her politely.

Her eyes went wide for a moment before she launched herself at him and threw her arms around her neck. "EDWARD!" she screamed.

"What the hell?" James said, echoing Remus' earlier words. Suddenly this wasn't seeming as amusing to James, but Sirius was still finding this hilarious, and was currently doubled over and having trouble breathing through his laughter.

"Oh Edward I knew you would find me! Make Jacob be nice to me!"

And Lily chose this very inopportune moment to descend the stairs from her dormitory, and her eyes bugged out as she saw her boyfriend with another girl draped over him. "James…" she started, the question and suspicion apparent in her voice.

"Don't ask." James cut her off. "Because I honestly have no clue…she hasn't even told us who she is." He said while simultaneously trying to get her arms off from around his neck. "But she keeps calling me Edward, and Remus, Jacob…"

"_Why_?" Lily asked, incredulous as to the girl's behavior.

"That's our problem! We have no ide-" James was cut off at that point as the girl had pressed her lips to his in what was a very one sided kiss.

At this Lily saw red. How dare this random stranger call her boyfriend Edward and then kiss him? She stalked over to them, where the girl was still attached to James, and roughly shoved her off of him, sending a flurry of curses and hexes at her as she did.

"Stay away from my boyfriend!" Lily screeched at the girl as she stalked over towards Remus, who was glowering at the fire. His mood had not improved.

"What are you talking about?" the girl yelled at Lily's retreating back. "He's my boyfriend! Tell her Edward!" she turned around to face James, but he had had already slunk off to hide, and Lily chose not to react, so her statement went unacknowledged.

Sirius was the only one who remained standing near her. He didn't really want to get her talking again, or risk her thinking he was someone else, but his curiosity got the better of him. "Sooo…" he began "Who exactly are you?"

"I'm Bella." She answered, looking at Sirius, but not seeming to really see him.

"Come on Padfoot." Remus said, coming up behind him. "We have to get going now if we want to make it to the shrieking shack in time." He explained, gesturing to the portrait hole where James was already waiting, looking like he was eager to get away from the sociopath who thought his name was Edward.

"Alright let's go." Sirius said as he followed James and Remus out of the common room and into the corridor, shooting a last look at the odd girl as he walked. She was still standing there; staring after them as if something she saw both confused and troubled her.

* * *

They were heading down the lawn towards the Whomping Willow before they heard the footsteps following them. They all turned at the same moment, only to find the Bella girl following them.

"Damn!" Remus muttered. "What is this girl's problem!" he said slightly louder this time, before he turned and continued towards the tree. "I'm going down." He yelled behind him at his friends. "Get rid of her, and meet me once she's back inside."

"Alright." Sirius yelled after Remus, who waved his hand to signal that he had heard him. Sirius turned back to James, who was looking worriedly at Bella, who was now running, and doing a horrible job of not tripping.

"So." He said plainly. "I'm thinking the easiest way to do this is gonna be just grabbing one arm each and dragging her inside."

James nodded distractedly, and the two boys began walking towards the girl. As they approached her it became obvious that she was walking towards Remus, since she took no notice of the two boys who were now walking past her, one on each side, preparing to grab her arms. It was at this point that she tripped, and began flailing her arms about in an attempt to regain her balance.

"Oh damn!" James screamed, as one of her flailing limbs smacked into his face. His hand came up to try to stem the flow of blood from his nose. Sirius rushed over to help his friend, who had now tripped himself and was lying face down in the grass, and all attempts to get Bella back into the castle were forgotten.

She could apparently move rather fast- when she wasn't tripping over her own feet- and she managed to reach Remus before he descended into the passageway to the shrieking shack. She ran up behind him and threw her arms around his neck, effectively stopping his progression towards the tree.

"Get—off—of—me!" Remus managed to squeak out through her choke hold on his neck, while also attempting to pry her hands away so he could resume normal breathing. He knew he would have to get into the shrieking shack soon, lest he transform on the lawn. The girl didn't react to his prying, only kept begging for his forgiveness, forgiveness for what he did not know.

Meanwhile, Sirius had finally managed to stop James' nose from bleeding, and now the two of them were running towards the struggling pair near the Whomping Willow. They managed to extract Remus from Bella's grip, but by then it was too late. As they pulled her a safe distance away from him, Remus began to change, to shift into another being. The full moon emerged from its cloud cover, and Remus became a wolf.

At this point Sirius and James had expected the girl to go running off in fear, and then they could restrain Moony and find her in the morning. Her reaction was nothing like they'd expected. She ran forward and threw her arms around the large wolf's neck.

"Jacob!" she screamed once again, before pulling back to examine him more closely. "You look different?" she said in a questioning tone at the same time that the wolf let out a bloodcurdling howl. Again, she reacted nothing like they would have expected. Instead of running away screaming, she merely looked innocently at Moony's face and asked "Jacob, is something the matter?"

"Oh for the love of God!" Sirius and James said simultaneously, James throwing his hands up in an "I give up" gesture, before they both sprung into action. Sirius pulled the girl away from Moony, while James transformed and rammed into the wolf with his antlers, pushing him towards the forest.

"Where'd Jacob and Edward go?" Bella asked in an innocent voice. "They aren't fighting, are they?" she asked, her eyes going wide, as though she sincerely hoped they weren't. Sirius only snorted and rolled his eyes in reply, dragging her off towards the castle.

* * *

The next morning found the three boys sitting around the fire in the common room, occasionally shooting glances at the girl, Bella, who was sitting a little ways away from them, looking dazedly into the fire. James and Sirius had explained to Remus what had happened last night, and he was a bit in shock over the girl's exceedingly odd reaction. Now they had their heads close together, and were muttering about what they could possibly do with the girl. It was obvious that she was a little crazy wasn't quite right.

It was during this time that a strange man, of about 17, walked into the common room. Since the boys had their heads close together they didn't notice his entrance.

"Ahem." He coughed a little to get their attention.

"Can we help you?" Sirius asked, standing up, and trying to look as menacing as he could, which was pretty menacing. The other boy didn't seem to be phased though.

"Umm, I'm just going to take her if that's okay?" he said in a voice oddly reminiscent of the early 1900's.

"Oh." Sirius said, slightly confused. "Go ahead. She's rather…odd." He said, attempting to put it kindly.

"Yeah." The boy said drawing the word out a little. "She's not quite right…" he added, shifting his feet awkwardly for a moment before calling out to the girl "Come on Bella." almost as though he were calling to a dog.

"Oh hi Edward." She said as she walked forward and took his hand, the both of them walking out of the portrait hole like nothing had happened.

"What the hell just happened?" all three boys said at the same time as they stood staring at the portrait hole for a good twenty minutes after the two had left.


End file.
